When the Therapist Lives the Experience – A Review of Fox and Weiland's Article

In the social work literature, much emphasis is placed on the personal experiences of patients, and on the way these experiences shape the power relations in therapy, the positions of each party, and more. However, little has been written about the way in which the personal experiences of the therapist shape his or her character and the way he or she works. In the present article, the authors seek to discuss the influence of the personal experiences of therapists, especially when they experience experiences that are similar to the experiences they are studying and researching. In the present article, the authors share the stories of each of their personal coping with issues of grief and trauma, and demonstrate how their personal experiences helped them express empathy, understand the therapeutic process in depth, and create a stronger therapeutic alliance. All of these, make it possible to achieve significant results in therapy.

The Story of Maym Fox
A few years after she began working as a social worker, the mother of one of her close friends became ill with cancer. Fox describes how the experience of accompanying her friend through the process of separating from her mother, whose condition was worsening, created a sense of overwhelming helplessness in her. In order to avoid similar feelings in the future, Fox found herself drawn to hospital settings, and she began working in places where death is frequently present. For 20 years, Fox has studied the ways in which people separate, bury, and mourn their loved ones. She has taught students how to have difficult conversations, how to sit together in silence, and how to lend a supportive shoulder to a dying person. Fox thought she understood how to care for a dying person, and how to teach it to others. But then, her father died. His condition had gradually deteriorated over the 12 years he had suffered from Parkinson's disease, but the final deterioration was rapid, and 10 weeks after he was hospitalized in a soup kitchen, he died. During those 10 weeks, Fox rethought how to deal with death, and what she should teach her students about it. She watched her father go from a smiling man joking with the medical staff to a state where he could only cry in pain, and then not even cry. This testimony made her realize that her students need to learn about the fragility of life, and to remember that when they meet a person on their deathbed, they meet only a fraction of the person he was. She watched her mother go from a caregiver who cared for her father for 12 years to a broken spouse who loses her life partner. This testimony made her realize that her students need to learn about what it means to dedicate your life to caring for a loved one, and what it feels like to lose them. She realized that in the world of social work, when you teach how to care for another person, you usually teach the practical tools with which to support, but you don’t teach what it feels like. Three months after her father’s death, Fox began teaching a new course. At the beginning of the course, she said, “The topic we’re learning is not about other people. We’re learning about ourselves. About how we live and how we die, how we care for each other, and how we deal with our life experiences.”

Sarah Weiland’s Story
Weiland’s ex-husband died of cancer, after years of living apart. Weiland describes coping with the loss of a person who was not close to her, but who still had a deep meaning to her life. While Weiland’s relationship with her ex-husband was distant, it was consistent, and his loss shook her. Weiland had difficulty containing the feeling of sadness and loss after his death – she describes how the loss of a person who is no longer close creates a confusing sense of helplessness and embarrassment. In such cases, it is not always possible to attend a funeral, or other mourning customs. The people around her did not see her loss, and she was left alone and embarrassed to deal with the unclear pain she felt. Weiland, who has studied coping with grief and loss for years, was left with a feeling of shame and helplessness in the face of the subject to which she had dedicated her professional life. Weiland realized that she was actually dealing with a kind of vague loss. A loss that is not recognized by those around her, that cannot be aired and shared with others. This is despite the fact that, considering that about half of all married couples divorce, it is reasonable to assume that many people are and will be dealing with similar situations. Weiland decided to use her personal experience and share it in a professional article. Through this sharing, she sought to unite her professional and personal identity, and send a message to the community of therapists and researchers – we cannot separate ourselves from the topic we are researching, we are all in this swamp together.

In conclusion, the authors suggest that social work is a profession that deals with life, and therefore the use of life experiences is a significant tool that can help social workers to advance their understanding of the person, and strengthen their being as therapists.