When the therapist lives the experience - a review of Fox Wayland's article

In the literature in the field of social work, great emphasis is placed on the personal experiences of patients, and on how these experiences shape the power relations in treatment, the attitudes of each of the parties, and more. However, little has been written about how the therapist's personal experiences shape his character and the way he works. In the present article, the authors wish to discuss the influence of the therapists' personal experiences, especially when they experience experiences that are similar to the experiences they study and research. In the present article, the authors share the personal stories of each of them dealing with issues of grief and trauma, and demonstrate how their personal experiences helped them express empathy, deeply understand the therapeutic process, and create a stronger therapeutic alliance. All of these allow to achieve significant results in the treatment.

The story of Maim Fox
A few years after she started working as a social worker, the mother of one of her close friends got cancer. Fox describes that the experience of accompanying her friend in the process of separating from her mother, whose condition was getting worse, created a distressing feeling of helplessness in her. In order to avoid similar feelings in the future, Fox found herself drawn to hospital settings, and she began working in places where death is present with high frequency. For 20 years Fox has studied the ways in which people separate, bury and mourn their loved ones. She taught students how to have difficult conversations, how to sit together quietly, and how to lend a supportive shoulder to a dying person. Fox thought she understood how to care for a dying person, and how to teach it to others. But then, her father passed away. His condition gradually deteriorated over the 12 years he suffered from Parkinson's disease, but the final deterioration was rapid and 10 weeks after he was admitted to a special care facility, he died. During those 10 weeks, Fox rethought dealing with death, and what she should teach her students about it. She watched her father go from a smiling man joking with the medical staff, to a state where he could only cry in pain, and then not even cry. This testimony made her realize that her students need to learn about the fragility of life, and remember that when they meet a person on their deathbed, they only meet a fraction of the person they were. She watched her mother go from being a caregiver who took care of her father for 12 years, to a broken partner losing her life partner. This testimony made her realize that her students need to learn about the meaning of dedicating your life to the care of a loved one, and what it feels like to lose them. She realized that in the world of social work, when they teach how to take care of another person, they usually teach the practical tools that can be used to support them, but they don't teach how it feels. Three months after her father's passing, Fox began teaching a new course. At the beginning of the course she said: "The subject we are studying is not about other people. We will learn about ourselves. About how we live and how we die, how we take care of each other, and how we deal with our life experiences.'

The story of Sarah Weiland
Wayland's ex-husband died of cancer, after years of living apart. Weiland describes dealing with the loss of a person who is not close to her, but who still has a deep meaning in her life. While Weiland's relationship with her ex-husband was distant, he was consistent, and his loss shook her. Weiland had a hard time containing the feeling of sadness and loss after his death - she describes that the loss of a person who is no longer close creates a confusing feeling of helplessness and embarrassment. In such cases, it is not always possible to participate in a funeral, or in other mourning customs. The people around her did not see her loss, and she was left alone and embarrassed to deal with the unclear pain she felt. Weiland, who studied for years dealing with grief and loss, was left with a sense of shame and helplessness in the face of the subject to which she had dedicated her professional life. Weiland realized that she was actually dealing with a kind of dull loss. A loss that is not recognized by the environment, that cannot be aired and shared with others. This, although considering that at work about half of married couples divorce, it is likely that many people face and will face similar situations. Weiland decided to use her personal experience and share it in a professional article. Through this sharing, she wanted to unite her professional identity with her personal identity, and send a message to the community of therapists and researchers - we cannot separate ourselves from the subject we are researching, we are all in this swamp together.

In conclusion, the authors suggest that social work is a profession that deals with life, therefore using life experiences is a significant tool that can help social workers to advance their understanding of the person, and strengthen their being as caregivers.